Cucumbers, peppers and salad’s a breeze
Then top it all off with cute Babybel cheese
Some light crackers, yogurt and soup for lunch
And later I can have an apple to munch
Dinner can be a delicious grilled chicken
If you cook it just right it can be finger-lickin’
But sometimes your sweet tooth just happens to itch
Snickers Peanut Butter, you son of a bitch.
Hey, Internet.
I’m not dead. Just uninspired. I come home from work mentally exhausted, which is a completely unique experience I am sure no one else can relate to, and all I want to do is sit on my couch and watch Golden Girls. Sometimes I smack the remote when its light flashes in its judgmental way at me because I have no replacement batteries.
I spent part of my evening watching this super sassy girl tell her friends how to ride a scooter. (Did you know those little folding metal scooters were still cool? Well, they totally are.) She was wearing the most hilarious shaggy boots. And I’m a sucker for anyone in a panda hat.
hey guys look i found the Easter bunny. if i grab her by the ankles will she lead me to her pot of golden goose eggs at the end of the rainbow?
“What are your hobbies?”
I stared at him blankly.
“I mean, what do you like to do?”
“The hell do you mean?” I asked. “I like to sit on my couch and eat Cheetos.”
He took a breath, I’m assuming because he was trying not to throttle me. “You need to figure out what you like, and then go do that…
I am trying to figure out if it would be completely appropriate to include, “Proficient in the ability to become braless and in pajamas within 30 seconds of entering my apartment” on my résumé.
I’ve always been a Rhoda.
I knew growing up glued to The Mary Tyler Moore Show that I was a Rhoda. She was stingingly sarcastic, often overlooked, and full of self-loathing. She could be mean, sad, really rude, and hilarious all within five minutes. Rhoda was who I wanted to be because I was never a Mary. Rhoda showed all of us that we were not alone in our insecurities and doubts about ourselves. She was looking out for herself but was fiercely loyal to those she loved. There was no messing with Rhoda; she was every woman.
Now, I know that the writers of MTM are the people I should thank for the character of Rhoda. But it’s Valerie Harper who always put a smile on my face and taught me that, yeah, it’s okay to be unsure of yourself every once in a while. Her uncanny ability to be everyone’s best friend was apparent even to me, as a little kid watching MTM on TV Land. I was one of the gang when I watched MTM, and a big part of that was Rhoda.
I can’t put into words how inspired I am by Valerie Harper’s journey right now. I had to try to draw it out, hoping I might capture a bit of her.
| — | Valerie Harper |
I am afraid to go to sleep because the hallway outside my apartment is filled with the most potent chemical smell I have ever smelled. It’s like the strongest Sharpie you could ever imagine plus grease paint. And the smell is slowly seeping into my apartment now.
I’m afraid to go to sleep because, what if it’s some terrible debilitating biochemical air thing that will murder my brain cells as I rest? What if I don’t wake up because I happen to be the only person on the planet who can smell the true odor of carbon monoxide and this is it, but no one would ever know because I will be dead by the morning due to carbon monoxide poisoning?
